grat·i·tude | ˈɡradəˌto͞od | noun:
grat·i·tude | ˈɡradəˌto͞od | noun:
the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness: she expressed her gratitude to the committee for their support.
The title and subtitle of this post is the definition of gratitude in the dictionary on my computer. Here are a few more:
From The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition
The state of being grateful; thankfulness.
The state or quality of being grateful or thankful; a warm and friendly feeling in response to a favor or favors received; thankfulness.
From merriam-webster.com:
the state of being grateful : thankfulness
expressed gratitude for their support
From https://dictionary.cambridge.org/
the feeling or quality of being grateful
Saying that gratitude is ‘the state of being grateful’ is like saying depression is feeling depressed. It’s a cop-out, or at least an admission that gratitude is hard to define.
There are some interesting philosophical ideas in the further illustrations. Readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. The idea of ‘readiness’ suggests that there is indeed a ‘state’ of being grateful, a readiness to be grateful. This readiness includes wanting to return kindness.
Kindness implies intention and will. If we feel grateful for the warm sun on our face are we thinking that the sun is being kind to us? Or is kindness an inherent quality, not an act of will? Do we think of kindness as an act of will because it is possible for us to be unkind?
And this one: a warm and friendly feeling in response to a favor or favors received. Favor or favors received arouses big questions for me: who or what is doing me a favor?
Is gratitude some kind of tit for tat—you do a favor for me and I will feel grateful to you? Is a warm and friendly feeling a form of payment for favors done or is it an involuntary response to involuntary kindness?
I looked up these definitions because I’ve been wondering about gratitude lately. What is it? I know I want to feel more grateful than I often do. I want to FEEL it. I want to feel a warm and friendly emotion that recognizes gifts, whether or not they are a favor, or a privilege, or just standard issue that we get by being born. Like breathing.
Questions:
Are we thankful for a favor bestowed upon us? Or are we thankful to a quality of life that is too unknowable to be doing us favors?
How do we even know what’s a favor and what isn’t?
Is it possible to be grateful for everything all the time?
Is it possible to feel gratitude in the midst of great suffering?
Is it possible to call anything gratitude that is not deeply felt?
Is gratitude a form of pleasure? When we feel the deep pleasure of our senses, of our body’s experience—a great cup of coffee, the sun on our face, a beautiful view, love welling up in our heart—isn’t that pleasure a form of gratitude?
The state of being grateful
Upon reflection, I would say that the state of being grateful is not a cop-out; it is what I aspire to. I want to live in a state of being grateful, which could also be called a state of grace.
I don’t want to parse or judge what I’m grateful for and what I’m not. I don’t know enough to make those judgments. Some of the gifts of my life are flashing neon signs, and some are tiny precious gems hidden in the ground that require excavation, cutting and polishing, to show their brilliance. And some I will never quite see or understand.
When I feel grateful in the way that I want to, it’s not about favors; it’s about attention, sensation, and recognition. I am doing myself the favor of trusting the present. When I notice the beauty around me, when I taste my food, when I feel my body’s energy, in spite of aches and pains, when I embrace the complexity of other people, and myself, with compassion, I am being grateful.
I used a quote from the poem Desiderata (Max Ehrmann, 1927), a long time ago, to make the image below. The whole poem is worth reading.
Let’s be grateful like the trees are grateful, sending our roots deep into the earth and our branches up to meet the sky. Let’s be grateful like the stars are grateful, sending forth their light without needing to know where it is going or how long it will take to get there or who will see it.
I am grateful for this opportunity to live a human life. To love and be loved. To breath. To get old. To suffer. I don’t want to be grateful for suffering, because I don’t want to suffer, but it seems to be part of the deal.
I am grateful for you. I am grateful for your resilience, your fragility, your courage, your fear, your wondering and worrying and loving and living.
May your Thanksgiving be full of thanks, and full of giving.
After my husband died, I had a nightly practice that had four parts. The first was about shedding all of my fears and small complaints about being widowed. The second was about sending my husband love. The third was about asking for help. And the fourth was about giving thanks, expressing gratitude for my life and my mysterious path, despite not understanding, or knowing why such loss happened to me or where I was going. I realized over time, it was a practice of acceptance that ultimately allowed me to grow and deepen my essential self.
Thank you for your thoughts and wise heart! Yes, and for speaking to the experience of gratitude in suffering.